Student Life : A few suggestions may brighten Valentine’s Day for SU’s least romantic

Am I the only person who noticed ‘love’ rhymes with ‘shove?’ Or that ‘lie’ is a convenient acronym for the phrase ‘love is evil?’ Ah yes, Valentine’s Day is upon us.

I’m just kidding. I’m not really bitter. In fact, Valentine’s Day is actually one of my favorite holidays. Even though I am presently sans valentine, I have finally realized Valentine’s Day is actually not another good day for me to complain about being a spinster, old maid, nun, etc. It is a day to celebrate the love and happiness of others more fortunate than I.

And that is why this one’s for the couples. Here are some less-than-romantic reasons and suggestions to celebrate Valentine’s Day on Monday.

1. Gifts. This Valentine’s Day, give your significant other what he or she really wants. Helpful hint: Girls, your boyfriend would really appreciate the opportunity to sleep with at least five of the much hotter girls in your sorority. If you’re not in a house, this does not apply. You’re probably both so weird you’re meant for each other anyway.

2. All those emotions. Helpful hint: Guys, you’ve probably always known you can do better. You are way out of her league, and if you ever forget, your friends remind you all the time. You’ve finally come to terms with your feelings. But first, enjoy the holidays — she’ll put out like it’s her job.

3. Color coordination. Helpful hint: Girls, wear red (underwear, as if you’re a sex bomb); guys, wear pink (shirts, as if you have feelings).

4. The date. Helpful hint: Guys, you don’t have to spend a lot of money. You’re stuck in Syracuse, far away from home, with access to limited resources. Chocolate from a vending machine and Monday burger night at Chucks Café are more romantic than you think. On a completely unrelated side note, if you’ve noticed she’s getting a little chunky lately, consider a nontraditional Valentine’s Day celebration, during which dinner is replaced with an all-day fast and some honest conversation.

5. Celebration of love. Love is certainly something to celebrate. What better day than Valentine’s Day to use those three little words we hold so dear? Helpful hint: If you have been dating someone for less a week, if you are sleeping together but don’t speak or if you are dating someone who doesn’t know it yet, don’t worry. On Valentine’s Day, a different set of rules applies. Regardless of your situation, tell that special someone you love him or her. Even a simple text message will suffice — ‘Hey you, I just wanted to let you know I love you. Oh, and it’s (insert your name here) by the way, in case you didn’t know my number. Or name.’

6. Kissing Bench. Our pristine university is home to a number of romantic trees and dirty, secluded alleyways, but if you’re looking to make that big, romantic gesture, bring your valentine to the Kissing Bench. However, if worst comes to worst and push comes to shove and you find yourself alone, I will be camped out on the Kissing Bench all day. And I will be happy to celebrate some love with you.

Marina Charny is a senior English and textual studies and writing major. Her columns appear every Monday. She can be reached at mcharny@syr.edu.