ETCHED IN STONE: Legend meets reality at SU’s most romantic spot, the ‘kissing bench’
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estled between the Tolley Humanities Building and the Hall of Languages is a bench donated by the Syracuse University class of 1912 – but it’s not just any bench. SU’s “kissing bench” seals the deal for couples who share a kiss on the bench and curses those who sit on it alone.
“I like these cute little things. I liked the meaning behind (the kissing bench),” said Sandy Wei, who works as an assistant director in the Office of Pre-College Programs but got her master’s from SU in 2019. “When our one kid is older … we can just be like, ‘Hey, guess what?’ We can tell him the story about it.”
The bench’s legend states that any couple who kisses on the seat is destined to end up together while anyone who sits alone will end up lonely for life. While the myth is straightforward, life is not. Some only had the bench come into their life after they graduated, others had it as an ongoing point of gossip among friends and few knew the legend would be fulfilled the second they sat down on the rocky seat.
Daryl Wolke, who graduated in 1984, didn’t know about the bench during her time at SU. She and her second husband, George, took separate paths after graduating. Daryl knew she was in love with him since they first met at his band’s practice during her freshman year. They reconnected in 2009 via Facebook, eventually got married in 2011 and were together until George died last year.
“I would guess that people who were getting engaged might have already known about it, they read about it because it was like a legend,” Daryl said. “It wasn’t something that we knew about then, but when we went back in 2014, we knew the story.”
Because Daryl and George were not together during their time at SU, they were determined to revisit everything they missed – the bench being a part of it. During the early years of their marriage, they tried to recreate the four college years they missed out on. Daryl said it felt like they were never apart for 25 years.
“Every time we were on campus, it was about ‘let’s change history, let’s pretend we were really together’ and ‘let’s walk down the stairs past the women’s building holding hands,’” Daryl said. “‘Let’s go dance at Faegan’s,’ and sitting on the kissing bench was just part of that recreating history.”
Daryl and George sat on the kissing bench during Orange Central in 2014. Daryl joked with her husband that it was as if they were getting engaged as she kissed his cheek, bringing them “full circle.”
For Daryl, everything about Syracuse led back to George – every story of hers, he was in. She was able to rewrite that history and hit the landmarks they missed, like the kissing bench, by reconnecting with him. She believes they were “the epitome of forever orange.”
Although what the Wolkes shared was the culmination of their 25 years apart, sharing a kissing bench smooch was the start of many other relationships. Each couple has a bench tale of their own.
The first time they sat on the bench, Wei and her partner, Tyler Paul, shared a kiss because they were both having bad days. On their wedding day outside of the Hall of Languages, when the officiant announced “You may now kiss the bride,” they ran to the kissing bench to share their first kiss as a married couple, shocking the audience.
Couples have had both spontaneous and planned kisses on the bench. Andrew Blysak, who graduated in 1990, said he knew his wife, Alexandra Mueller-Blysak, was the one for him while he was still a student at SU. One night, they came home from Marshall Street, stumbled on the bench and shared a kiss, what Blysak described as a “self-fulfilling prophecy.”
“It’s more of just a fun thing than anything else,” Blysak said. “I don’t think we took it really seriously back then, and it’s nice to think back on it and here we are.”
Similarly, Emily Ballard Thomas, who graduated in 2015, sat on the bench on a random day when taking a regular stroll around campus with her partner, Stephen Thomas. Emily wouldn’t have sat on the bench had she not thought she and Stephen would marry. She says it’s a bit “woo-woo,” but does make her slightly believe in the bench’s legend.
Courtesy of Andrew Blysak (top left), Mary Vuocolo Cavaliere (top right), Emily Ballard Thomas, (bottom left), Daryl Wolke (bottom right)
Donated in 1912, the kissing bench is a way for several Syracuse University couples to dedicate themselves to each other. The bench’s legend states that these couples will be married forever by sharing a kiss on it.
However, even with a well-thought-out plan to surprise their partners, people have failed to fulfill the myth because of other SU community members.
Mary Vuocolo Cavaliere graduated from SU in 1986. Carl, now her husband, devised a plan to propose to her on the bench. Not only was it raining, but two football players were sitting on the bench together.
“It’s not like if you sat on the bench that everyone was like, ‘Oh, you got to get married,’” Mary said. “It wasn’t like that. Plenty of people would just stop by and take a break and sit on the bench.”
After pacing the bench several times, Carl had to reroute because of his foiled engagement plan. Instead, they got engaged at dinner. Years later, they sat on the bench while they visited Syracuse.
“Nothing always goes as planned, right? So it was nice that he had the idea,” Mary said. “I was figuring it out as we were hovering around – couldn’t possibly be that he wants to sit on this kissing bench?”
While the bench is a pivotal moment in certain couples’ lives, some people go through their time at SU never knowing about the bench. When Mary returned to campus this year for Orange Central, she was surprised to hear how many current students didn’t know anything about its legend. For her, it was something she and her friends would chit-chat about.
As Syracuse alumni, the kissing bench not only ties a couple together but to the university itself. Each person said their connection with SU deepened because of the kissing bench, with many visiting the site when they returned to campus.
“I think especially because we were together pretty much our entire time there. We got engaged on campus,” Emily said. “That’s just like another piece of it that makes it special to have met there and had that experience together.”
Mary’s relationship with her husband started the night of Pearl Washington’s buzzer-beater shot to beat Boston College on Jan. 21, 1984. After going to the game, the two went to a Day Hall floor party and he asked her out. She joked with him a few weeks ago that two special things happened 40 years ago – both their relationship and the impressive game-winner.
The kissing bench is just another part of their story, she said. It’s one of the little things that tie them back to SU and make them feel valued as a couple, like receiving Valentine’s Day cards from the university.
“It’s always nice to go back to campus and see the same things that were there,” Mary said. “We always visit the bench and the mosaic. We always visit the kissing bench. We always like to hear the bells.”
