Our resident love expert’s guide to the perfect Valentine’s Day
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If there’s one thing I know, it’s romance. I’ve watched “When Harry Met Sally” too many times not to. There’s nothing like a compliment or a sweet gesture to woo your partner or your crush – just ask my boyfriend. (Or as I like to refer to him, my trophy wife. What can I say? Your humor columnist needs herself some sweet, sweet arm candy.)
I personally am a very big fan of my boyfriend. I like to think we are the Pete Davidson and (Insert whatever beautiful women he’s dating currently) of Syracuse University. He always picks up my column in print and saves it in his collection, so if he’s reading this: Hi, Phineas! Do the dishes.
Okay, enough of the stupid, sappy stuff. Man, I hate love! Blah! Anyway, with Valentine’s Day happening this week, I’m feeling very giving and kind – so much that I’m extending my fantastic relationship tips to all of you. I hope you have your dustpans out because I’m about to teach you how to sweep your partner off of their feet.
Most importantly, you need to make them feel special.
I like to do this by surprising my boyfriend at different times throughout the day. It’s quite simple, really. All you have to do is trick them into sharing their location and class schedule with you. (“Babe, I’m so sorry, but I lost my MySlice login and I need to check on my bursar balance. Is it okay If I use your laptop to check?”) Thank god for autosaved passwords, am I right!? Then, while you’re there, go to Find My Friends and share their phone’s location with theirs.
Then, boom! You always know where to go to surprise your partner. Personally, my boyfriend was a little confused when I interrupted his geography class with a microphone trying to recreate the “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” scene from “Ten Things I Hate About You,” but I’m pretty sure that’s just because he hasn’t seen the movie. It’s definitely not because I forced the entirety of the College of Visual and Performing Arts jazz ensemble into a Slocum lecture hall.
Another thing I like to do to make my partner happy. Send cute texts! Just a little “I miss you,” “How is your day going?” or “You haven’t responded in two hours, do you even love me?” message can really make your partner’s day. It shows that you care and are thinking about them, even when they aren’t around!
I also love to use nicknames. The key to the perfect nickname is to make it cute, heartfelt and unique to the person! For example, since I am so adorable, caring and cute, my boyfriend calls me “Sweetheart.” Since my boyfriend has Type 1 Diabetes, I like to call him “Sugar!” See? We’re adorable!
For many couples, physical affection is also very important. Personally, I know that it’s very important to me and my boyfriend. That’s why – at least two times a day – I like to jump on him like a spider monkey and cling onto his back, refusing to get off. Some days, if I’m feeling a little unpredictable, I will also make very loud monkey noises in his ear. I think it’s endearing, and I can pretty confidently say he feels the same way!
More than anything, however, you have to make your partner feel supported and cared about. Some people accomplish this by giving flowers, taking their partner on a date or maybe communicating how much their partner means to them. Those things are fine, I guess.
If you really want to make your partner swoon, just follow my foolproof tips. Believe me, no one can resist someone making monkey noises in their ear – I would know.
